I find myself daydreaming throughout the day about creating stuff on the computer. That only happens when I’m away from my desk. I dream about how my current setup will facilitate my creativity and how it will enables me reach a level of creativity I’ve never reached before, or a level of creative flow that I’ve always dreamed of.

I work on two machine in a daily basis. I have my Mac which is my daily driver, where I do my most serious work and planning. The Mac is my digital home in life. And I have a Windows machine that is a beast. Built from scratch to be capable to handle difficult processes such as physics simulation and intense graphic rendering.

I’ve also attached a Wacom Pro tablet and a Komplete midi keyboard to the Windows machine to work with Adobe Suite or to compose sound with Ableton Live.

So technically speaking, my entire environment enables to me to express my creativity fully. Yet when I’m at my desk, I find myself staring at my monitors unable to start anything. This is not a decision paralysis, it’s simply the lack of a motive or an emotional connection to produce anything.

I’ve personally associated my creativity with my commercial work, and that made my creative alignment dedicated solely toward clients. When I try to create for my own pleasure, I find myself numb and lacking the motive to do anything. It’s like I’m only waiting orders from someone else to establish a project or complete a task.

I seem to be only functioning with external prompting, and all of that felt like an epiphany that happened while I’m typing those very words.

What would I do with this newly gained insight? I’m not sure. But I’m grateful that I’m aware now of my inner working, and this is the starting point to solve this personal puzzle.